Starting With Trust, Not Surveillance
The most important foundation for helping children stay safe online is building trust — not monitoring or fear. When children know they can come to you without being blamed, they are far more likely to speak up when something genuinely goes wrong.
Talking with children about online safety doesn't need to happen all at once, and it shouldn't create panic. Regularly asking what they're doing online, who they're talking to, and whether anything has made them uncomfortable is more effective than parental control software alone.
What Parents and Carers Should Know
- Know which platforms and apps your child uses, and who they interact with on them.
- Understand the minimum age requirements for each platform and the common risks they present — such as messages from strangers or in-app purchases.
- Agree on reasonable screen time limits and where devices can be used — for example, not behind a closed bedroom door.
- Listen carefully when your child brings something up. If they mention something uncomfortable, start by supporting them rather than immediately pressing for details, then work through the next steps together.
Talking With Children: What Not to Share Online
- Home address and school name
- Phone number and email address
- Photos of themselves or family members (especially those that reveal their location)
- Daily routines and after-school movements
- Family finances or whether anyone is home
Warning Signs That Need Immediate Attention
If a child encounters any of the following online, they should stop the interaction immediately and tell a trusted adult:
- Someone asks them to keep the conversation secret from parents or teachers
- Someone asks for photos (including ordinary photos)
- Someone asks for money transfers, gift cards, or verification codes
- Someone tries to move the conversation off the original platform to another app or private channel
- Someone says something that makes them feel uncomfortable, scared, or confused
The Most Important Thing When a Child Asks for Help
Make sure children know: if the first person they tell doesn't help, they should keep trying — with another trusted adult, a teacher, a school counsellor, or another family member. Asking for help when something goes wrong online is not "telling tales" — it is exactly the right thing to do.
A Simple Family Online Safety Agreement
Here is a short agreement you can discuss and adapt with your children:
- We don't click on unknown links
- We don't share personal details with people we've met only online
- We never transfer money or share verification codes, no matter what reason someone gives
- If something feels wrong or confusing, we talk to a family member first — we don't deal with it alone
- Online friends are not the same as real-life friends — we always tell a parent before agreeing to meet someone in person
This guide was prepared by NZ Chinese Digital Safety & Anti-Scam Trust using publicly available safety education materials and checked against current official information. It is provided for public digital safety education.
Online safety does not need to be a frightening lecture. Share one suspicious message or new app each week, and make clear that a child will not be blamed for asking a trusted adult for help.